Dear 8-year old-me

 

Dear 8-year old me, yang mungkin dulu sedang menonton video ini. Kamu dulu anak yang seperti apa ya? The now-you have forgot so much about you. Your sincerity, your kindness? Or were you? Yang jelas dulu kamu suka banget pasti kan sama Sherina dan lagu di atas. Even until today, my heart touched listening to this. I cried :(

Dear 8-year old-me, begitu tulus dan asli, seorang idola pada masa kanak-kanakmu. Pada saat menonton ini, atau masa-masa lain saat aku mengagumi seorang Sherina, I remember, saat itulah mimpi demi mimpi terjalin, terajut sampai tinggi. Setiap mimpi kau wujudkan melalui permainan demi permainan. "Aku jadi Sherina ya, kamu jadi temannya". "Yuk, nyanyi Menikmati Hari" sambil, tentu saja, menirukan gerakan di film nya Sherina. We remembered almost all of those scenes. We remembered it very well, and we reenacted it with pride.

Dear 8-year old-me, tidak ada perasaan minder kala itu. Tidak ada bisikan-bisikan "mana bisa", "gak mungkin lah" kala itu. You talked to yourself that you are a pretty girl, you are a nice girl to everyone. You decided what person you want you to be, and surely, yes you can. 

Dear 8-year old-me, did you ever think what kind of a girl you would become, in the next 20 years? Have you wondered wether your dream would come true? Have you worried if you can't do whatever you want? Did you ever realize that maybe you are not as kind as you think you are? Mungkin dulu memang kamu bukan anak yang baik. Bukan anak yang patuh, bukan anak yang penurut. You just didn't know that those all were not good, and no one told you. Kamu pun tidak bermaksud ingin menyakiti orang, melukai perasaan orang, you just didn't know how to control your emotion. You didn't know what should you do if you were upset, or got frustrated, or got depressed.

Dear 8-year old-me, the older I get, the more I know that hurting people is easier than pleased them. Even when you don't mean to hurt someone's heart, before you know it, it happened, and it's your fault. You take all the responsibility. I don't know, maybe because I'm not good at showing my emotion. Tanpa disadari, sifat buruk itu menjadi kebiasaanku. Semakin banyak orang tersakiti, semakin besar dan dalam perasaan bersalahku. Again, I don't know how to handle this. 

Dear 8-year old-me, did you know that achieving your dream could be hurting people too. Bermimpi ternyata tak selamanya indah. Terkadang kamu harus menyembunyikan mimpi kamu. Terkadang kamu berpura-pura tidak menginginkannya hanya agar orang lain tidak kecewa. Or sometimes you just have to stop because no one wants it.

Dear 8-year old-me, I know, you were not like me today. You were way more cheerful, you were a lovely girl, I know it, at least to me. Thanks for being the nice of me. Thanks for making a good memory about the nice me.